i'm naked playing bejeweled blitz in your bed. this is both a forewarning and an apology
you asked a group of latinas stood by the bar to hold a minutes silence for ugly betty getting cancelled. that drunk.
YOU CAN RENT MIDGETS ON CRAIGS LIST
I told you not to ruin your birthday surprise!
I got my period while he was fingering me , I knew it because I never get that wet.
Did u at least say sorry?
Sober Sundays just aren't working out anymore.
You stole my camera, took a picture of yourself and said "that's beautiful, just as beautiful as our waitress".
I'm sitting at work trying to dust glitter off my pants. I can't hang out with her anymore.
Just living on dreams and a bed of used condoms
I'm starting a point system. For every 2 beer runs i do for u slackers i get a free bottle of Barefoot.
Woke up to my asscrack filled with melted Reese's Pieces. Halloween parties are so weird here man
Will i get arrested If i steal the salvatiion arny guys bell for ringing it to close to my hangover
On the way home there was a guy passed out IN the road on Colfax with his pants around his ankles, completely bare assed. If he was dressed as a speed bump, he succeeded.
I need all the beers. I want to be holding on to the grass so I don't fall off the earth drunk.
Sabotage it. Cum quick. Make it awkward so you don't hurt her feelings. Who says nice guys finish last?
They found me wandering around campus screaming body shots over and over again wrapped in a curtain
Randomize
