1:57 a.m. Where did you go???
1:58 a.m. What are you doing? I want to go home with you, why aren't you responding?
2:11 a.m. Heading back to your place now, will you let me in?
theres a dog humping me and im not going to stop it... i really need to get laid.
i effin hate jeff goldbloom.
but i totally would still bang him
ive decided theres a fine line between accepting money for sex and letting someone buy you late night taco bell and knowing that if he hadnt you wouldnt be in his bed right now
there should be a relationship option on facebook "stillllll in a relationship"
Just had a guy dressed only in a towel ask me for a cig, hug me and kiss me then proceeded to pee of the balcony while still talking to me and callin me baby
You can buy vodka at target here.. Maybe Missouri isn't so bad after all
Actually, considering the facts that I am wearing a duct tape dress and eating a gas station quesadilla, I am pretty good.
I think I died last night. I had 14 beers..well 13 1/2 if you count the one that got spilled on the baby in the elevator.
It was a group decision to take your pants off. Took a solid 10 minutes. No more skinny jeans while drinking.
sea world and a strip club? BEST DAY EVER!
BEHOLD THE MORNING PIGEON
SANCTIFY THE CHALK TADPOLE
THERE IS NO SOBRIETY. ONLY ZUUL.
I can't decide if I'm depressed or if this is just what life without a bidet feels like.
OF COURSE I FUCKED HIM! Did you not read the part about him having red and green Christmas condoms?
Just set the kids up with doughnuts downstairs so I could go up and masturbate uninterrupted. I am such a good mom.
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