Tell LD happy birthday and party like it's $19.99
Recession joke.
great time with ya sorry i wasn't one of the three guys you wanted to stay with
Nobody is wearing shirts anymore. What is happening.
Is it possible to make a milkshake in a martini shaker or am I gonna need a blender?
smelt my brothers hands when he got home to see if he lied about smoking again...he didn't lie but i definitely didn't expect to smell some other girls vagina.
I really need to stop coming home drunk and lint rolling my rabbit.
I'm over this relationship. I'm just going to get drunk all day, wake up in a puddle of my own vomit again, and go on with my life
show concern. Mark ate a butterfly and proceeded to drink more shots like nothing happened
You both ran and jumped into the tub yelling Jamaican bobsled team
There comes a point, as I lay on the floor of the work disabled toilets contemplating catching 10 minutes sleep between chunders, that I wonder if its really worth it
He threw me over his shoulder and carried me outside, all the while drinking from the bottle of rum he was holding, while my ex watched. I'm winning the break-up.
I will have you know I turned Latino David Arquette down for sex because he's married. Total. Moral. Victory.
Flo's in town, ain't she.
Why is our fridge full of girl scout cookies and rum?
You told me to go grocery shopping.
I found more straws in my beard this morning. Please stop doing that.
I'm honestly just saving all my liver's power for when I die this weekend. that's how it works right
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