We didn't go..parents came home with patron wanting to play drinking games --we asked no questions
How am I suppose to look him in the face when I know a commercial lasts longer than he does?
we've started having sober sex
you really do like him
wait a second. did i just remember you the other night referring to your tits as tia and tamara.....
the elusive kegmastree, who's mystery is only exceeded by it's power
I didn't budget in chasers this month so were chasing everything with water. Sorry.
He wore my sunglasses on his honeymoon..... so there's that.
the scent of your tears make me crave pizza
...I can smell the alcohol on your breath through that text
Did you really get up in the middle of a tattoo to go get Taco Bell?
I'm coming right back.
It is a bad day indeed when you learn that your boy toy looks better in your dresses than you do
We kind of crashed their funeral party. Oops.
New rule: if you don't think racism exists, you don't get to put your penis inside me.
I had to give myself a suppository. That was the LEAST fun I've had inserting things in my ass.
Stop trying to mix nacho cheese and sex. Guys don’t want hot cheese near their junk. Pick a better fetish
Randomize
