She had a muffin-top while wearing a one piece bathing suit. Thats gotta break one of newton's laws or something
I'm going to have to call in sick tomorrow. After this weekend, there's no way I can handle hearing the accountants talk about double entry without puking.
How many times can you lose to your mom in beer pong before you can no longer show your face around campus?
Gay TA. Finally going to boost my GPA your way.
You just kept taking about baking cornbread and doing your physics. Even drunk assed random you is a better student than me.
I knew you would eventually ask my secret. Pedialite mix drinks. Works wonders.
God I feel like the rain man of hangovers.
I can't wait til I'm a real grown up and am no longer expected to take 7 shots of raspberry ruby as a pregame to a night of drinking natty lite
She went outside in nothing but her panties and came back inside 15 minutes later wearing a different pair of panties.
Cancun blessed me with a drinking problem
I just spent the last three days trying to hook up with a dude for his pool privileges
Even with help how did you paint a bullseye around your asshole?
The part where he comes over and ignores you isn't what makes me mad about that story... It's the fact that he ate your tacos, AND THEN proceeded to ignore you. That's cold hearted.
Pretty sure I got pink eye from the strip club. There is also still beer cans rattling around in my shower.
So i woke up this morning to find my boss passed out on my living room floor.. Awkward? Haha
Randomize
