I just realized i came back home with my lei that one night. How do i forget my bra but remember my lei?
But you wanna know what the sadest part is? I had to smoke on the way back home cause my mom would be suspicious if I wasn't high after I was supposedly hanging out with you.
During your work shift I was either: a) stoned. b) high. c)stoned. or d) high.
Starting St Patrick's Weekend, non stop flights on Pacific Whorelines to the scenic HotMessXpress. Get the cougars ready, it's gonna get weird.
Why do I have a vague memory of your entire fraternity climbing in through my bedroom window?
He Dutch ovened me while I was hiding under the covers from his mom. Needless to say it did not end well.
To the point, I hope I remember where to put my dick when I finally get laid again
You have a 50 50 chance
I manage to fit my wine bottle in my koozie and the rest is history
I had a dream I got back with Amanda. And then cheated on her the same day. Even my conscious is a dick
I'm still home, my life isn't together. Currently drying my pants
my liver is dry heaving
Ive realized that in order for me to understand math, my professor has to be hot.
We need to move to a different bar soon. When we're standing on the patio, and every guy around us has seen us naked...there's a problem
So I might join you on the drunk train on the way to poor decisions.
Sorry didnt text you yesterday. had to put restraining order on my ex.
Randomize
