i only shaved half my leg
on purpose
Busta Rhymes just yelled at me! He cut a song off and I was clapping and he looked right at me and said "don't fucking clap." I was that white guy.
Everything is bigger in Texas. Including Colt's vagina.
I'm masturbating to football. This is why I get guys and you don't
He brought a jar of pickles to the party. So now I've had beer, animal crackers, AND a pickle since noon.
Update: we are pushing the start of day drinking back from 9 am to 10 am. Minor delay.
Its like no one cares im drunk naked wet and ready to throw myself at some one hold on i found a solution to my problems
I love pie. Pie understands me and the spatula
Ok- my dad's ex-wife's Irish nephew. Weird if we fuck or not?
He should be castrated
Nah he might accidentally come while they're cutting it off. Wouldn't be fair to the surgeons
You looked at me, said I was a nice guy. Then you drunkenly climbed on top of me and said you liked me and wanted me.
Sorry that I got drunk and refused to let you buy me pizza. I'm a monster and I understand if you hate me forever
Tomorrow we start training our livers for St.Patrick's day. May God be with us.
You were drunkenly dancing with a statue you affectionately referred to as "The Captain." I wasn't going to deny your happiness.
I just want to sit in my tub, drugged out of my mind, and watch the green lantern cartoon while the world as we know it ceases to exist outside my bathroom door, Okay? Is that REALLY too much to ask?
I think this is the first time I heard a lesbian version of baby it's cold outside.
Randomize
