Midgets have it so easy. They have so much less leg area to shave.
We just spray painted his balls while he is passed out....I cant wait to see him try to figure this out in the morning.
ok so I'm texting you now like I promised instead of drunktexting aaron and telling him how badly I want his cock tonight. aren't you proud?
this is Aaron, hi
It was horrifying, i havent seen a girls mouth open that wide since that one episode of Goosebumps..
The thumbs up barstamp on my hand is mocking my hangover with its positivity.
She walked home carrying a six pack of beer and someone elses cat
SHE BETTER HAVE BROUGHT BACK MY FUCKING COUCH CUSIONS OR SHES GUNNA GET IT.
No more margaritas for you. Also, tequila should be reclassified as a hallucinogen.
My mom just asked me if I can obtain a fake ID by thursday
If you ever insult pizza rolls again, I will dragon kick you in the throat
Don't have sex in a tent there are so many opportunities for infections
But seriously, I love you and you are a good person and I'll get you some ecstasy
Do u have any idea how hard it is to masturbate in a CVS bathroom when your name is being called over the speakers to pick up a prescription for painkillers?
Basically I think I'm replacing men/sex with theme parks.
Blow Jobs and the Patriots Playing I think I’m going to marry her
NO NINJA FIGHTING AT THE GAS STATION
Randomize
