Not that I thought your boyfriend was a phile
But the whole crossing guard thing? Weird.
Well I'm going to a gay club in my banana suit. You should come. My bro is going as a pirate. I don't know if there's a theme.
I feel like a panda just shit rainbows on my mind
so thats when we found her crawling hands and knees up first street singing hold me closer tony danza as loud as she could
did she say where she was going
apparently she thought she was on morton hill and was trying to go back to the bars
I need a booty call who doesn't know my boyfriend or my friends.
A freshman just referred to Home Improvement as 'tim the tool man show'. People born after 1990 are not people.
For his 21st I'm getting a fancy hotel that way he can at least sleep in a nice bathtub
They had an entire room dedicated to passed out people. It was like a dogpile of cross faded toddlers drooling on each other.
Okay. I really need to get out of this guys bed and get home. It's two in the afternoon. He's not even HERE.
ok it turns out chain mail does not protect against falling down a flight of stairs. please send help.
Such a good question, let's ask the alcohol gods for the answer.
You know you're sufficiently drunk when the 411 dude just says, "Fuck it! I'll Google that shit for you, what movie do you want to see?" and proceeds to give you showtimes for 3 different theatres.
Before we rave about the healing powers of your penis, remember it nearly killed me as well.
when the repo soundtrack came on in the middle of us having sex i realized it was about time that i clear out my itunes library
STOP HOOKING UP WITH SOCCER MOMS! YOU ARE RUINING MY REPUTATION!
Randomize
