If that was your dad, he is hot
I hope you never procreate. Philly is already the ugliest city in the country.
It was like a fairy tale, until he tried to put it in my ass...
i threw up on the blunt... he was pissed.
Afterwards she kept poking it and saying "it looks so sad and small" I dont know if I wanted to reach this state in our relationship...
Why do I feel like I'm not the only one drinking to make my night class teacher look better?
I don't even know. I woke up to a text from someone named Vick saying he was 'legit worried' that I had herpes.
At what point were we discussing suction-cupping a dildo to the wall?
The sun is gonna brush it's hairy dick across my forehead in the morning, gently whispering: "you're 4 hours late for work"
I dont think getting to 3rd base with a girl you barely know is the type of memory they had in mind when they named the park "memorial park"
When the cops pulled up I just stood flat against the fence with my hands up while yelling out,"I'm a tree!!"...
I would bite a mans dick off for a chocolate milk.
We ran out of toilet paper so Ive been using coffee filters
Stoner thoughts are the only thoughts I want to have now.
I'm glad I didn't see Grandma stumbling drunk and peeing herself...it would be like seeing my future.
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