farters have to be the big spoon...
I find it ironic that homeless people are so good in bed
Alex, there's no such thing as a fancy sex store.
i just googled "alcohol delivery service". im combating drunk driving one lazy act a time.
I just typed 14 shots of Smirnoff into my calorie count toolbar. Then typed pole dancing 1.5hrs into the calorie burner search. Should break even.
If i spent $300 & took that thing home i would hate myself today.
There's an official council for his ex boyfriends. They told me they 'look forward to the day I join them'.
I know you hold the fastest time for "zoo downhill wheelchair racing" but I don't see what that has to do with this.
She tried to leave the threesome and I heard you yell "Hey! We don't quit at halftime!"
I just karate chopped a humming bird out of mid air. It came at my face while I was out side smoking. Scared the shit out of me. My ninja skills just took over. Haha. I mean really at that point it was me or him.
I'm surprised, it's been so long you must be starving
At a certain point, the zombie-like hunger goes away. Then the sadness sets in. Then you start lying to yourself that you're taking some "me time." Then you remember you dodged chlamydia and Buddha knows what else. Then you're at peace with it.
I think I maybe realized he was too old for me when I went into his bathroom and he had anti aging face cream.
LESSON OF THE DAY: Saying Everclear gets you out of explaining anything.
If y'all wanna know how far the apple fell from the tree I'm sexting during Easter service. Mom would be so proud 😳
My body isnt used to all this fresh air, sun and booze....ok well maybe just the fresh air and sun...its used to the booze.
Randomize
