Not only is chick snoring like a 48 year old man but she's farting in rhythm
Well, we missed our public lewdness court date. Looks like were going to jail in Alabama ...
Okay I woke up in my room, snuggie on, had a water bottle in my hand my tv was on Disney channel and my cigarettes are gone. And I deleted every text in my phone but one that said 'you are absolutely welcome'
He was eating mac and cheese. Raw. Like as in he was eating the uncooked noodles then pouring the dry cheese in his mouth.
I haven't had nearly enough lesbian experiences to fully commit to this relationship.
I almost bumped into a man wrapped only in a blanket at 10 am
Somehow ended up home, probably had something to do with the makeshift ladder from my second story window. Now headed to church, still drunk, and still fighting back the vomit of a thousand different alcohols. Successful night.
All I remember from the concert was leaving in an RV full of middle aged people playing circle of death
Please, by all means, tell me what can't be helped by two stiff drinks & a blowjob?
If it's any consolation, I made really strong brownies yesterday and had 3 and then I saw demons
I snuck out of his room and his roommate stopped me to tell me there was a condom stuck to my back
Despite how often it occurs, I have absolutely no interest in having sex with myself
Think i may just have managed the saddest high-five in history. Finished a sudoku and high-fived myself, then looked around for somebody to high five. there was noone. forever alone.
I'm going to tell you something and I want no judgement because it's america day and I'm wearing an American flag bathing suit but...I woke up in a yard.
I just had a mini meltdown cause I thought they forgot to put the cheese packet in my mac and cheese. I'm having an awful week.
Randomize
