Did you wake up with "jello shots" stamped on your hand too?
How can it be called memorial day weekend....I don't even remember this weekend
btw i have an angry voicemail of you yelling at me to get you a sandwich or die.
Friends bring friends secret work margaritas. my pink water bottle is in the cupboard
I don't even want to go. i just want to be a hermit and live in a cave with an elephant that pisses vodka
I told him if he went to see magic mike with me I'd cover his eyes during the penis parts
Ok get your liver ready for the weekend. Harry Potter Drinking Game Marathon is a go. BYO liquor of choice, rule cards at the door. I wanna see some Hagrid level drinking out of you, Muggle.
He ate me out while Space Jam was on. My life is complete.
Let's stay in this weekend and play drinking games to the Winter Olympics.
As long as we can drink anytime we see a stray dog, mafia looking Russian or double toilet.
I like how I just yelled in the window at Mcdonalds drive thru, got his number and then fucked. it was like I ordered a happy meal that only can be had after midnight.
You ask too many questions when I'm blowing you. You're like a dentist asking how my day has been during a cleaning.
Which is worse that I came in public or that no one noticed?
My loniness meter has reached its peak. I just played shadow puppets using my Big Mac on the wall with my cats
Pretty sure the waitress here is concerned about well being bc I've been here drinking by myself for 3 hours. If only I could show here FB so she'd know I'm not alone...
He was fingering me and I came so hard that I actually broke his wrist. We're at the ER now.
Randomize
