i realized my work ethic and productivity really improves if i masturbate on my lunch break.
I have new birth control, three bottles of jack, and some coupons for micky d's. You wanna have that sleepover?
so the girl i've been sleeping with for 3 weeks now just figured out that i don't know her name
you can't just make up for the fact that you broke up with me by tagging yourelf in my embarrassing facebook videos of you
Glad we went casual last night, made my 1pm walk of shame through Walmart a little less obvious
I just took my birth control with a water bottle I found in my purse with vodka in it in Spanish class. 10am is still too early for me.
When the cab driver starts laughing its a good indication of the standard of girls you are bringing home
It's twenty thirteen and the rando and I bonded over the fact that we're both stil using flip phones. Of course I fucked him in the bathroom. It was the obvious thing to do.
There is a doctor sitting next to me at lunch talking about the engorged scrotum surgery he did this morning and I am about to lose my professional grown adult facade.
In order to save time, dignity and liver damage, wanna get naked?
Nothing like introducing yourself to your high school boyfriend's wife as "the girl who took his virginity"
you were grinding on the cop whispering for him to lend you his tazer.
Dear god my vagina.
I'm waiting for you in a manthong right now.
You kept saying, "please sir, can I have some more."
Randomize
