Dude she has a bf and shes on lockdown more than Nelson Mandela in 95
I found out he doesn't have a facebook, twitter, or myspace. So, I'm going to actually go to his house to spy on him.
in the car goin home for fam dinner and he is silent... i think he realized how big of a whore his little sister is
Way too hungover to be taking this many family pictures
she's laying in my bed with an ice pack on her vagina. how do you think it went?
Her name is Sherri and her sister's are Brandy and Champagne. Of course I want to meet her parents.
This titty bar has wifi. I just did FaceTime stage side
To the person who left a cup of vomit in the bathroom: I commend you for your aim but you are dead to me- not an ideal birthday present.
So I totally just used margarita salt for a body scrub.
Yeah. I asked if there was a finger in my ass at some point or if I had a weird dream. So far he hasn't responded
I've discovered my ability to crush a man's ego is greater than my hate for beer.
The notary thing was a good idea. I can charge $2 per signature. I'm currently being paid in beer.
So that guy from plenty of fish has a lightning bolt tattooed on his face. I kinda feel like I HAVE to sleep with him now.
Thanks for the reference. If your boss hires me, I'll buy you a drink.
If my boss hires you, I'm going to need it.
its official, you're fucking me on my lunch break. the only thing I want in my mouth is your dick. pick me up at noon.
want fries with that?
Randomize
