i'm chasing tequila w mint flavored ice cream, phil's chasing it w cream cheese, bashar's chasing it w pickles...i think we all know who the winner is....
fine then we can just have courtesy sex i definetly won't like it
she said she could "feel the heat of my groin" against her. ruined the whole fucking moment.
you probably should not have drank the wine that everyone spits out. and the sad part, that was not even your low point last night
Just saw a bouncer shoot a stripper with a squirt gun. He looked at me n said,"gotta keep em in check." I'm in love with this place
There's three frat guys comparing how you were in bed. apparently you have gotten worse with time
She told me that as long as she kept starring at the freckle on her arm she wouldnt throw up
Guess who won bingo at the senior center and is going to jail all in the same night?
I just saw a fat girl roll down the steps taking out three people with her, thought you should know.....
I got to the party and found your shoes in a bag of Funyuns. You weren't even there.
Strip mythology. Everyone wins. Most of all me.
I just got my evaluation. My manager told me he hated my guts and pretty much wanted to stab me in the face. Then he gave me an "exceeds expectations" on pretty much everything and a raise.
I had no idea he had such passive aggressive animalistic tendencies. This is the human equivalent of peeing on someone.
I may have had several rum punches and then gone to the store and used European cucumbers to prove my baton twirling prowess.
I’m looking forward to our Cougar years. These freshmen know how to fuck
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