Well apparently he's into motor boating.
i just broke my key off in the door of my house because the engine wasnt starting
i turned job hunting into a drinking game..
No she hasen't showed up to my place yet, last I heard she was puking as she was walking without stopping near the park.
I feel like my vagina stays drunk longer than the rest of me. It's always super sensitive and hungry the day after drinking.
Drunk
Deyhxbr
Fucaerrrrr
thanks for the 52 voicemails of you and crystal reciting the pleg of allegance
Someone just got kicked out of the mall for being dressed like a giant cat. I feel like this is in your future.
I can't wait til I'm a real grown up and am no longer expected to take 7 shots of raspberry ruby as a pregame to a night of drinking natty lite
NO MAKING MOLDS OF ANYONES GENITALS
Fine. Suck all the fun out of life.
You need to somehow incorporate the phrase "these hoes ain't loyal" into your best man speech.
Guess who's the proud owner of her very own foxtail butt plug!!
Wanna have a sleepover and take me to court in the morning?
I just woke up in the closet wearing nothing but a Santa hat.
You were trying to be sexy by spraying your contact solution on your chest and telling me to lick it off
Randomize
