I just woke up with a girl who has left and right tattoed on her wrists. In french. I may need to stop drinking.
my ex gf has sooo many hot friends... i feel like im at a grocery store when on her fb... just shopping around.
dude she was so drunk she thought Jim Joyce made the right call
You kept tellin the cashier that this order was "To Go" over and over...even tho we were in the drive-thru
I feel like you pissing on my ping pong table isn't something to be proud of.
We followed the campus tour around in a golf cart drinking PBR and blasting "Sexual Healing."
I knew it was gonna be a rough night when the guys next to us at Relay for Life started shot gunning beers and yelling "This ones for all the hot chicks that went bald because of cancer". It kinda went downhill from there....
Hey, can you come over and kill me real quick
But mostly fuck him senseless. Render him speechless. Have him look at my vagina and wonder, "WHAT SORCERY IS THIS?!"
I yelled out look at all those hickeys. And then gave her boyfriend a high five
Have you ever realized how cool bread is? Like so many things taste good on it. Like its crazy to think that peanut butter and turkey can both taste good on the same thing.
I literally just force feed a guy flintstone vitamins after sex
First dip in a brand new jar of Nutella, and my man’s dick are two things I will not fucking share.
While I was giving him head he told me he had to go door to door the next day and "spread the word of Jesus Christ" I felt like a Disney villain out to steal his virtue.
Hey, sorry I choked you last night... I was just really excited to see you.
Randomize
