You were parading around the bar chugging girls drinks and then asking them if you could buy them a drink. It was actually genius
Worst part of St. Paddy's...me drunkenly crying to a U2 cover band.
Need to stop getting stoned with this chick, I keep waking up covered in pizza sauce
i walked in and you were spoon feeding your sister grape juice out of a tupperware.
She said she couldn't sleep with a guy who had blood stains on his ceiling. I tried to explain it wasn't my blood, but she still left :(
When you passed out on the kitchen counter she brushed and flossed your teeth, then carried/dragged you to bed. Why aren't you married?
Anal and Aoki tickets...I'd say I give pretty good Valentines Day gifts.
Nothing like running into your favorite bartender in the middle of the afternoon while stone cold sober and being told your grabbed his penis the last time you were at his bar. My bad.
Someone is in my phone as "fireball girl" and keeps texting me. How do I go about finding out who it is?
so...the lady doing my pedi totally noticed the human bite marks on my calf. Who says marriage ends your sex life? Love u!
That's what jaeger bombs out of teacups will do to you.
You were passed out by the toliet and when i said i had to pee you told me to piss in the sink. Never has a girl with alcohol poisoning been so rude.
Like I wasn't going to make out with the hot Australian sitting next to me at the Portland blazer game?
I need to go home for the safety of everyone in a 10 mile radius, especially me
long story short... we may or may not have lost your car.
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