I am in the hospital with a broken wrist because a guy told me that if I punched him it "wouldn't hurt." it hurt. me. Thank you 11 jello shots.
She's like the pied piper of lesbians.
I need to find my pants, a way out of here, and a cheeseburger.
Its official. I've reentered slutty territory. I was a condom away from having sex in a childs playhouse at a park. Oh and I lost my car keys.
You never know, some chick could have a weird unibrow fetish.
I lost the back to your old name tag last night in a girls shirt. It got me a view of some titties though, I guess in some way you're still doing your brotherly deeds
There is a doctor sitting next to me at lunch talking about the engorged scrotum surgery he did this morning and I am about to lose my professional grown adult facade.
if youre gonna throw up it might as well taste like christmas :S
turns out my ex girlfriend has become my most successful wingman. life is fuckin weird sometimes
You turn 21 at midnight!
This is better than being born!!
did you just send me my own nude
Sorry for trying to baptize you last night
You knew the entire thing in Latin I was so impressed
But of course I'm in. After all, what fun would the holidays be without trying to find the perfect gift to impress someone you've never met, but need the approval of??
I watched one of the videos of you hanging from the rafters, and it is both violent and sexual in nature.
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
Randomize
