I mean she's dancing like an epileptic patato and i'd like to slap her
her facebook's as public as her vagina
there were more penises there than on chat roulette
the cop then proceeds to point out the "proud parent of a dare graduate" bumper sticker and say well i guess it's time to take that off
When she talks to me all I hear are 5 generations of inbreeding speaking.
and then we had to stop you from trying to pour shots through your nose with the neti pot.
i was playing the convince him im sober game through texting. i spelled most of the words right. i hope.
My dad just gifted me an alaskan flag he stole from the govenor's mansion. He said it was to hang on the wall at 3316, to start a morning ritual. Then he mimed kegstands and vomiting. Senior year will be epic.
My roommate made me a peanut butter and sprinkles sandwich. Maybe tonight isn't that bad
He appeared on my 7th floor fire escape and sang to me and jimmy through the window when we fucked. He's like a drunken mix of Sinatra and Spiderman.
I dont know how to respond to your rave picture. I mean yeah, he's hot, but it just seems wrong to be like "Please tell me you fucked that guy with the pacifier!"
oh my god, just saw a man throw up in a trashcan and blood came out of his nose. HES GETTING ON MY BUS. HES SITTING ACROSS FROM ME. FUCK.
I was so high I didn't realize I'd put on someone else's bra. I thought my boobs had shrunk.
ive decided that just saying "yes" when people assume I am something other than Caucasian will highly benefit my love life. last night I was native.
He came so fast i dont think he got it all the way in. He apologized and gave me his favorite baseball card.
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