The solution to mudbutt is never ever Clorox wipes. It stings soooooooo bad.
My scrabble letters just formed failure. Thanks God.
Ok a condom literally fell out of my underwear this morning, i have never been so confused.
I've realized that you're the only friend i can rely on to drink with me any given day. i thank you for that.
i chipped my tooth tryin to cut thru her pantyhose. that stuff is bulletproof.
This is part your fault too. Don't tell me your dishes are unbreakable and not expect me to prove you wrong.
I'm at some strange place in what feels like Mexico, high and getting tacos.
Late night whataburger runs are great, except if you're the one that gets left black out drunk puking in the backyard drinking from the water hose
I didn't notice because vodka
I have to date her we need a place to stay for tailgating
He's tying my arms above my head and all I can think is that I should've shaved my armpits
On a unprofessional note, there's a new girl in photo.
That wasn't unprofessional. The fact that I'm going to fuck her is unprofessional.
I put the area codes from ludacris' "area codes" into our expensive data visualization software at work, it's been a productive day
we live vicariously through your huge boobs
i had sex with a girl named after a fruit last night and it was the best thing to happen to me in 2020
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