I'm telling lies about you to make you look like a good person
Sometimes when i'm at a cross roads in life, i think about what i would want my lifetime movie to show what i did
we had to stop you from eating moldy cake.. twice.
hey you knew what you were in for when i showed up with 2 fifths of Jim. plus i left money to pay for a new sink
I say we go and bring jello shots with laxatives. 57% sure one of his toilets is broken
It was his first time doing shrooms and we made him ride in the truck bed. But he kept standing up and yelling when we stopped so we had to keep driving
antibiotics and champagne: breakfast of champions
There's a lady lying down on the sidewalk in front of our building smoking a cig
All I know is when I checked my phone this morning google translate was open with "help the cow ate my robot" translated to French
I'm so cold without your freakishly high body temperature
that's the equivalent to a normal girlfriends. 'I miss you' btw
Well. Another one of my exes came out of the closet.
He is married, and has a regrettably large penis. I need to find another one right away to get myself out of this mess.
How big does a penis have to be before it becomes regrettably so?
If I die bedazzle my coffin please.
Hhhaaa He said Peanutburter disinfect lol. Like peanut butter can disinfect stuff. None of those guys are safe
I just kept eating and watching him slide down the stairs head first
Randomize
