Ill pay your DUI fine if you just come see me nooooowwwww
no. its 2:30am and im not going to jail for a booty call
he keeps commenting everything on my facebook. it's like he's virtually peeing on me
i realized i had a pad on before i went to this guys house so i stuck it in his neighbors shrub.
its not college until your roomate walks in on you having sex in his bed. twice
it's ok. you also told me I can feel free to vomit on your blow dryer sometime.
His concept of male bonding is doing lines in adjacent stalls.
this dude just showed up to the party with a falcon
Worst case scenario, I put a giant cork in your vagina so you don't give birth before my birthday
think he just told me if I need to shit I should go outside.
"I vaguely remember the Health and Safety Inspector walking into my room this morning while I was passed out naked. That's one way to get it over with quickly."
Planning a foam party. Swimsuits are mandatory, and please no granny suits. If you wear a granny suit I will stick you in the corner and put a cone hat on your head.
So just what does one wear when attending a sex toy party with ones mother-in-law?
Jeans and a nice top.
Mcnellies. I'm drunk enough that you have a window. Capitalize.
He kept telling me my vagina was a pleasure cave... I ended up just taking it as a complimetn
I walked over and you were apologizing to him because you're lady gaga and he's not. The best part was that he forgave you.
Randomize
