I acted like I was still sleeping as she gathered her stuff to leave.. that's when she let one rip
he was so high, he talked to my goldfish for an hour telling him the dangers of overfeeding.
She vajazzled her vag. It was as useless as putting earrings on chewbacca
Anyways, i'm off to play with a rubber dick and a ouija board with two other girls...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I have no idea what happened last night, but you're the only person I remember smashing my face into. Be honored.
You probably don't remember. You were drunk and getting your tits drummed on like haitian bongos in a voodoo ritual.
I fcuked ip.
Is this your way of telling me that you got drunk in your office before meeting with your dissertation advisor again? Or that you finally banged that freshman fraternity pledge?
Best line overheard at the bar: "This is the last time I'm shaving my ass for him...I mean we just broke up".
I just trimmed my bush to manageable levels. I'm gonna take a nap and then get in there and finish the job.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Our nipples touched last night. It was tender.
Who am I kidding? With my track record, I'm going to end up sleeping at the strip club with just nipple tassels on.
I HAVE A STRAIGHT LINE ACROSS MY ASS ABOUT THE WIDTH OF A SLIM JIM. ERICA!
WHAT THE FUCK DREAM ME
I'M GONNA PUNCH THAT BITCH THE FUCK DID SHE THINK SHE WAS DOIN
I let a 30 year old guitar player that works at a call center go down on me in his backseat last night
If he has a beard, chances are, that’s an open invitation to sit on his face
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