even after i explained my bobby knight costume the bartender still kicked me out for throwing the chair
Too tired to do the dishes so I made mac and cheese in a teapot. There's still some left if you want some...
i just ran into our bio chem professor at the bar. apparently, he doesn't follow the "no slapping your students' asses" rule.
So apparently when I was 2, I went around drinking everybody's beer at some wedding, then passed out in a corner....
This explains a lot.
I seriously dont think i have ever ridden a horse sober.
the recent google searches were "were can i buy a porn horse, why does my heart hurt after drinking, and orlando's teen night..." your thought process perplexes me
I need to ask my mom where the drain cleaner is, but I'm afraid she'll ask why and the answer to that will just be "cum."
Is this a drinking picnic?
Is there another kind?
I'm in the fetal position watching the little mermaid and trying not to die. When do you come home?
You shut your whore mouth, we don't talk about Drunk Nutella night.
Eating chips and sending nudes. This is my life.
I needed tweezers to get my thong out of my ass this morning.
Jager makes that raccoon appear... The one that shits in a basket in my living room.
You use your abs way more than I realized. Btw multiple orgasms is the best thing I've ever discovered.
The whole country is going to hell in a handbasket but I got a grade A fucking and don't particularly care.
Randomize
