There was a fist fight in my basement last night at four in the morning, in case you were wondering
Yeah next time you are over I'll let you beat it on her pillows and you will feel better.
why is jon gosselin on the news 24/7 for dating some new lady?? how bout I get on msnbc for not getting laid since forever ago
Just rolled over and realized my vodka goggles are not as functional as my beer goggles
NBC reported that a group almost has enough signatures to submit pole dancing as an Olympic sport in 2016...
God I fucking love America.
you just kept bragging about how there was a "pretty large" chance that you had pooped on the same toilet as George Clooney
If you like her enough, bring her with. If not, eloquently cunt punt that bitch through the field goals of life.
You played a drinking game to fat people crying. It's a long climb to the moral high ground, why bother?
you left saying you wanted to "go piss on that girl's doorstep" and we didn't see you the rest of the night
that actually explains a lot
Selling our snow shovel to buy more beer. Not your brightest idea.
Finding an empty bathroom to shit on campus is like the quest for the fucking Holy Grail. Except with more stench and humiliation.
Also we had sex while listening to fleetwood Mac on vinyl. Like the 70s called and told me to fuck off
Potholders are an underrated garment. Especially naked.
Drunk in my hotel room, eating taco bell, and crying at Nicki Minaj's life story.
This is why I keep you in my life.
Let's just say I peed the bed last night, and I wasn't in it alone. Whoooops
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