please come you make the beer taste better
In all seriousness...vodka, almond milk and chocolate syrup make a decent white russian.
Did you get any last night. I need to track my forever aloneness
But for future reference, it might help your game if you don't tell the girl you're trying to get on your dick that she's "not the worst thing you've ever seen"
I may or may not have had sex last night then sent him home on a bike with two flats
Either im tripping real hard, or there's a legit land shark in my apartment.
Just watched a girl fall down the stair and be to drunk to get up. The only stair in the bar. It's like watching a turtle on it's back.
Lets now bow our heads and think of girls with ex boyfriends who were great at fingering them. That's so sad.
I walked in on him fucking my best friend. I think we've reached the point of following each other on twitter.
OMFG "ASS" JUST STARTED PLAYING ON MY PHONE VIA PANDORA AS IM IN THE CAR WITH A CONGRESSMAN FUCKKKK
Got a high five from a Superman stripper tonight
A dick pic is not a proper way to say I'm sorry
Is there any chance of you maybe wanting a bouncy house at your wedding. Like maybe a .0001 chance. If so I would totally chip in for that.
These freshmen are fun! The redhead wants to practice her blowjob skills with me and let me rate different moves!
My sister and her gf showed up at my door with no pants on at 4 AM talking claiming its hot.
Randomize
