I'm being pulled over???
For what!?!?!
??? I'm in a cab!!!!!
please tell me if i'm home and in my bed
negative
come find me please
We were having sex on the balcony and this guy walked by, so drunkily i said "dont move, he cant see us if we dont move."
i hate always having to make my eye shadow look really good since my eyes always end up closed by the end of the night in pics
If I don't throw up the day I graduate i'll feel like the last 4 years and thousands of dollars spent on alcohol will have been wasted.
I want the one making out with the dumpster. Is that bad?
Did you just say he wants to put a baby inside me?
That's the kind of break up sex that keeps couples together. Damn.
Tried to dodge fire in poncho. Fell through fence. Blood everywhere.
I am thankful for thumbs.
Because without thumbs, we would be dolphins.
Land dolphins.
I cannot handle Xanax... I just turned my computer on and I googled how to work YouTube
Woke up to I'm AWESOME written in purple crayon all over my walls. I love drunk me
You mom sent me some article linking anal sex, damaged prostates and sterility. Does she still think your gonna go straight and have kids one day?
She blew me while I watched the jets game and the hardest thing was deciding what to focus on more
The amount of illegal things I've done this weekend is astounding.
Randomize
