it felt great physically, but AWFUL morally.
What kind of poor, pathetic town do we live in where a horny teenage girl is sitting in her basement on a saturday night, unlaid?
it's like there's an entire ecosystem in your vagina.
you dont seem to understand my overwhelming need to watch space jam right now
i took an adderall last night to write a paper. i ended up watching 7 hours of roseanne and couldn't look away
Andrew is trying to convince me that i took your virginity. Please tell me he is lying.
define virginity.
you'll be glad to know I got kicked off the microphone at a bar in Breckenridge last night thanks to my country rendition of all star
I'm too drunk to be surrounded by this many indians
How do you manage to be drunk and a racial minority so often?
You kept telling the cops that our ice luge was practice for the next winter olympics
NEW RULE: can't hook up with more than 50% of the groomsmen in wedding party or it becomes wrong kind of weird. NUMBERS GAME.
On second thought, is it weird that I scheduled a surgery that determines my fertility around lingerie football night? I might have fucked up priorities.
Absolutely not. I would have done the exact same thing.
I should come with a warning like "do not feed me tequila or cocaine, I will ruin the party and cry"
I'm actually pretty sure the amount of alcohol I drank last night erased memories from other times in my life.
So he cheated on his gf again. For the third time. Second time with me. HE CRIED WHILE DRIVING ME HOME BECAUSE HE CHEATED ON HER. And I laughed the entire way. Good god I'm an asshole.
The only reason you haven't shit yourself yet is because you don't like having fun.
Randomize
