Omg I def was not. I wasn't that drunk. I showed that I stuff my bra but I didn't whip my tit out.
I wish my cat could text because i would tell him that everything will be ok. and i wish he could send them back..but him have no thumbs. him no know what he would text with.
I swallowed your vile semen and you don't know what color my fucking eyes are!?
I hate it when I can only see straight when I close one eye. I feel like that deserts the purpose of seeing with two eyes
It was an igloo shaped doghouse, I was obligated to hotbox it
i just unblacked out cuddled in a pita pit booth with ten dollars rubberbanded to my hand.
The guy at the Apple store said the warranty does NOT cover getting cum out of the keyboard. I can't believe I believed you.
I've friend zoned this boy hard. I made him change my nipple rings before he went home.
This is a mass text. I will facerape you if you bring me Fierce Melon Gatorade and 4 D batteries.
I just want a relatively mentally stable guy with tattoos and facial hair that loves Captain America as much as I do and will fuck me the way I deserve to be fucked, is that too much to ask for?
I opened the door, threw up on the street, wiped my mouth and flashed a thumbs up to all of the cars behind us and kept on driving
Just watched someone fail a field sobriety test. Miserably. At 4:50p. I think it's my future husband
God bless him
Let's just grow old together and be the crazy ladies that sit on the park bench, drinking booze from flasks and loudly talk about people who walk by.
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
I picked up a towel, and butt beads fell out of it.
Oh yeah... Surprise!
Randomize
