I mean, you're like my second best best friend we're so close I can't believe you'd do that to me
Who knew there were guys that wanted to only stalk you instead of date you? Count on me to find them!
Also, our mothers are placing bets on which of us will get pregnant first.
I thought we agreed, no more super glueing action figures to my dick
I just dont understand why you didnt cut me off when I took the funnel into the bathroom and started peeing and funneling at the same time
when she first told me she hooked up with him my initial response was to shout "WE HAVE SOMETHING IN COMMON!"
Oh we're fine. I made her a "sorry I peed on you" omelet.
I want to own their dicks and all the attachments
And then he serenaded me with "Pimps don't cry" from 'The Other Guys'. If that's not love I'm not sure what is
I have made the descision to sacrifice the first of my family's dogs that wakes me before noon tomorrow. I may quickly become the family outcast
He wasn't excited for the fifty shades of grey trailer, so I told him we're done
I can never have sex in Utah again. The altitude had me breathing like a fat kid going up stairs.
Because sadly the idea of me having a girlfriend is crazy enough to be an April fools prank
No, he came home, unscrewed all of the lightbulbs, and threw them in the sink.
My manager is trying to help me find a good career path, and I'm trying to find a professional way to tell him I just wanna smoke and fuck.
Randomize
