I think i ate a live goldfish last night. that i caught with my hand in a kiddie pool. my stomach really hurts.
I think we should urban dictionary "drive of shame." It involves a sprint to your car in his underwear and shirt, surreptitiously trying to put on your bra on at stoplights without attracting attention from neighboring cars, and lurking in your car a block from home so you can know when your roommate leaves for work.
The things that come out of my body both amaze and disturb me.
ok, his religious views on facebook are madonna lyrics. we no longer have to wonder about his sexuality.
I wonder if she thought to herself "I'm gonna sleep with that guy tonight" when she watched me puke on the bar at 3 in the afternoon?
Haga you didnt jbsii whee wu an therer
Party on wayne
You should try cooking mac & cheese naked sometime. It's quite relaxing.
Um...celebrating is an understatement. You flashed the guy at the mexican restaurant and then screamed, "It's just my bikini, I swear!"
At least I look tastefully trashed. My nipples are hidden and I'm standing up.
Well be careful man. Be careful. Wear shoes in the house. Safety. Safety first, then teamwork.
preface to our conversation: my vagina hurts.
Vodka and Jamison is not a mixed drink
Made a pinky promise to a lesbian on crack in WeHo. No one knows what I promised
I just woke up hand cuffed to the bar and shirtless, so yeah I think I need you to come get me.
All I recall is being at the strip club doing dark rum shots and then puking a question mark on the wall above the garbage can in the men's room and having diarrhea in the sink. 6th drunkest I've ever been without blacking out.
Randomize
