.....so he has a son. Josh. That is not his roommate
Dude.. I don’t care how hairy she is, you already left me at the bar, and now I have to find another fucking way home... NOW BE A MAN ABOUT IT!
You drew a lightning bolt on your eye and stomach in eye liner and made me sing Poker face with you in harmonies. I never knew you were still a music major when you were drunk.
he told me he once ran a blackmarket liquor store out of his house. thats all it took for me to go home with him
Can you deep fry cheerios do you know? crucial question
Ok, it is technically a gay bar but it's a total dive w/ strong drinks. The important thing is you can start drinking at 11:00 am without judgement
oh oh oh, and apparently you can bring in your own snacks. Some old dude just gave me cashews and cheetos.
I just realized I consumed seven different types of alcohol this weekend. And I'm only counting jungle juice as one of those. How the fuck did I not die?
You started an entire relationship based only on sex and emoticons.
Irrelevant. Does he have queso? That's the real question.
I just want to like rub my face on his abs
I need help
Do you think Brian would let me smoke while we fuck? I'm not sure ill survive exams without a constant nicotine intake
they set my background as his mugshot to remind me "having a big penis won't be a valid excuse in a court room."
I don't know what song to play at my bong's funeral!
He turned on read receipts specifically so i'd know he was ignoring me.
I didn't mean that as an expression. I'm literally asking if you want to watch Netflix and do nothing.
Randomize
