barbara walters just said penis...
I love my bros weed
Im gonna hate it in like 20 mins though
I now realize that they made gum to take the taste of dick out of your mouth.
The fact that both my ribs are severely bruised from shoving flasks in my bra might be a validation of my mothers alcoholic accusation
slow down on the beer.. we don't need another pentabong projectile hot dog incident
Then he shook the next streetlight but this one broke and fell over. He told me, "This is the part where we run."
Sending dick pics while driving a car going 80 in the rain at night to a married woman? Why hello 2014
my vag sweat smells like doritos
so now that we're not dating you have to stop sending shit like this to me okay?
Youre having a picnic
Yeah but all we have is vodka, so it's getting a bit out of hand.
I swear she is the Mary Poppins of drugs
he just fucked me for my cheese.
What can i say, my face is nice and my body is just unreal. And my beer pouring/stealing is incredible \n
Nothing like ripping open the box with your keys on a sat R train and throwing back the morning after pill with some coconut water on my way to work at a fitness studio for free
We finally gave up searching because everything had started to look like flip flops
I kept my extra Molly pill in my wallet in the change part, that's also where I keep my body jewelry while I'm working. The nose ring punctured the pill essentially coating itself in MDMA. My nose ring is back in my nose. This could be entertaining
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