hey this is lauren, i have to type for jon because he's convinced the tongs he's holding are his real hands
chris hansen is no longer pursuing child predators.let's celebrate
i'll bring the hard lemonade and lube
Anthony wouldn't know good sex if it sat on his face
her sex was completely horrible but her weed was great. imma ask her out again
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just found a "how to get laid" book on the dresser and am now a victim of method number 16 corollary 7.
it took me 7 solid minutes to realize "egggGSaucetingf" meant "exhausting"
He told me that if I were a guy he'd go gay for me. Honestly don't know how to take that.
You work today? I woke up with a raging boner that was whispering your name
I screamed "I want dick!" in the middle of the intersection. So many hot guys. I wish you were here.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We could put on there: "Drink jager bombs and do stupid shit faster, with more energy!"
I came so hard I literally levitated off the top of his dick. Gravity was no match for that orgasm!
I'm determining which apartments I'm mostly to move into based on how suitable the kitchens are for sex .
got some info she was last seen with some guy wearing goggles
I think you'll appreciate my way of waking up today: Under my cubicle, boxed in by boxes of printer paper, and hung over. I don't even know how the fuck I got in here in the middle of the night. I went to my car and fell back asleep. I'm now 2 1/2 hours late.
You'll probably laugh but I am currently in bed in the fetal position wrapped in only my ninja turtles towel. Save me.
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