The walls in my apartment are so thin that sometimes when I fart, I stop to listen if people are laughing next door.
OH GOD PAJAMAS ARE SUCH A HARD CONCEPT RIGHT NOW
He could tell i had a fever by feeling my tits. He gets docter of the year.
The cop was more concerned with the fact I had cowboy boots on with shorts than the fact we were under age
And then he tried to clean the throw up off my pants with 409
Yeah well tell that to drunk me. She seems to have no standards or gender preference.
He broke the bed, AND shit in the closet. What a way to lose his virginity. What a night.
im not trying to sound dramatic, but im covered in microwavable lasagna
So this is where people who peaked in high school come to drink?
I am going to buy some m-80's and keep a bucket of them in the bathroom. That way I can just depth charge the toilet before each time I use it. Lets see how those snakes like cheap Chinese explosives
You didn't try to help me when I fell on the dance floor. She brought me cupcakes. You're a shitty friend, suck your own dick.
It feels like the devil is humping my brain with his razor sharp erection.
Incase you were wondering. Cooking naked turns into sex. Sex and cooking may lead to house fire....
We're meant to be. Apparently God wants me to get dicked down pretty good too so I'm not complaining about destiny
He just ate a tooth whitening strip...
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