One of her kids, Dakota I think, got stuck in a ceiling fan and she had a fit, thats when she found the penis hat.
Arguably, the best part was cockblocking those squirrels.
this kid just offered me adderall in exchange for my meal points. college at its finest
There's always time for handjobs
in the middle of fucking he asked me if i had gotten a haircut because he noticed i didnt have split ends anymore. i dont know what to think
He sent me a picture of his dick earlier so now we can all laugh at him tomorrow
My logic for bringing him home was, he's in law school so odds are he wouldn't kill me.
Literally too hungover to pull out of the driveway. Tried 3 times and failed. I'm going back to bed.
I woke up hugging a box of cheerios that had "wonder woman" written in sharpie on it. So much for a sober night.
WE'RE MOVING TO IRELAND!!!! DON'T ASK QUESTIONS JUST BOOK THE DAMN FLIGHT!!!!
This text constitutes a formal request for sexual congress under the terms of our Relationship Agreement.
The fact that I can now puke rainbows on snapchat makes my life that much better
I need a pedicure
You need to go to planned parenthood
The day will come again young grasshopper. For now you must complete your training of patience and tongue biting
I swear 2020 just keeps getting worse and worse
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