I've been thinking about all the girls in my life in terms of applying to college.
Huh?
I guess what im trying to say is that your my safety school.
fuck dude i blacked out on a tuesday. what am i doing with my life?
Winning.
You claimed your dick was a divining rod, spun in a circle 3 times and walked into the bar you stopped in front of...consequently there was a bikini shoot going on
okay just a general question, but if i got arrested, who here would bail me out. this is important.
i know i said i'd always be there for you, but i'm beginning to think that what you call "being there for me" the american judicial system calls reckless endangerment.
He drew a bath for me. It was only cute until he started throwing in celery and calling me soup.
he may or may not have motorboated me on the steps of the library of congress
No, seriously, I've slept with 3 guys this month.
It's ok, February is a short month
So, the officer that worked my wreck, I'm rockin his world tonight. He saw me high on morphine in the ER. So he knows my level of crazy. Think he'll agree to wear his gun?
So many things can go wrong tonight.
That all sounds beautiful. All I have to offer is my shining personality, extensive amounts of space knowledge, and I hear I am pretty not sucky at sucking dick
My buddy just got straight up kicked out of the bar on my bday for water boarding people with beer and bar towels
He reached a whole new level of creepy. We were getting a coffee and he noticed the girl at Starbucks name tag looked her up on fb and friend requested her right there without ever introducing himself
well I got an eye infection from a stripper motorboating me but overall it was a great weekend
They had like literally all the dildos. It looked like a seance for dick. I left the apartment and haven't been back.
I have an aggressive hickey on my shoulder and it actually hurts.
Randomize
