You're in luck. The brownies don't even have butter, just vege oil
So the answer to your question is yes, I was masturbating on the roof of my building.
Oh God! I'm naked from the waist down playing records. Too drunk. I don't even know what to do.
Balls out but with a shirt on. Eating ravioli. I don't know how to deal with this.
You are number one in my heart. But in the dick Olympics you're disqualified.
Well I could just do a roadtrip and hit them all. Slut tour 2012.
Neither of us have work tomorrow and we live w/n walking distance. This is your official Sandy booty call. Come rock me like a hurricane.
omg this is getting ridiculous. nobody's vagina should ever be this neglected.
When you're all settled in, text me, and I can sorta apologize for saying that your phone can suck my dick. What I really meant to say is that your Windows phone can suck my Android phone's dick.
Please tell me that all of the things I remember doing last night didn't really happen. Please.
YAY! I just removed my own stitches, and I'm only bleeding from one spot! on a related note, do you think a dishwasher will sterilize forceps and trauma shears?
Well shit I mean if you get a bunch of cashed up drunk lesbians together in a casino, it's bound to go south at some point
My neighbor was my D.A.R.E officer and I feel like I've defeated him by smoking weed outside everyday
If dispatch calls for us tell them I'm having a significant emotional event in the restroom
It wasn't intentional or anything but I've now had sex with all of your siblings. How's college going?
I just bought a mini nerf gun so he could make a bowl out of it, I deserve the fuck buddy of the year award!
Randomize
