he is so obsessed with the fact that he works at Apple
i know, its like he jerks off to steve jobs
our school mascot just walked into class and threw condoms everywhere. welcome to college
he asked me out through an event invitation on facebook, the title read Romantic Dinner For 2
Nick just found a baggie of 3 year old shrooms in his desk drawer and downed it all with cheap white wine. I am not on vomit duty tonight.
Theres also beggin' strips and a dog bone in the corner...nooo signs of there being a dog though.
Well if all fails we can always become surrogate mothers. I hear that pays well.
Oh and probably wearing a life jacket instead of clothes didn't help things either
A houseboat for a bachelor party is a terrible idea, we nearly die when on dry land, so how the hell are we supposed to survive a 3 day binge on a massive lake?
He ripped off his socks and ran around the basement barefoot. His feet turned black. Then he chugged Parmesan cheese. He chugged dry cheese dude.
He straight up just had me drive all the way here and when I got here he was drinking a cup of tea and right after said he needed to go to bed
Lmfao I'm not trying to have a pissing contest over acid with my mom.....
I feel like someone poured gasoline and bleach in my nose and lit it on fire.
Why! I don't feel that at all!!!! I feel jipped
You had sex with a mute, how is that not funny
I may or may not have just let Ash Ketchum capture my wild Pikachu in a parking lot.
my very deepest apologies for the unintentional cock block.
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