Just had another dream about being on Real Chance of Love. I think it's a sign.
he's measuring my pool to see how much jello powder he needs. He got paid today.
Just saw a homeless man taking a shower in someone's sprinkler system....
I just passed a drug test. I want to shout that from the top of a mountain. Can we have beers on the top of a mountain?
when your 30 and im 37 and we're lonely and single, lets make a pact to murder each other.
It's still to early in our relationship to tell her I was sleeping in my car
I am not exagerating when I say the thought "screw you future me" actually just went through my head
That's not as bad as watching a dumb ass drunk peeing into your window fan -
My mom just told me she would flash her tits to a cop to get me out of jail, and then we high-fived.
So Bodhi just sent me a pic of someone's balls with a message that says "I hope you all have a ballin' night." I don't even know what level of friendship to call this anymore.
Oh my god.
The ballsiest level.
I'm going to start using the hurricane naming system for my hangovers. Hangover Agatha is a real bitch today.
Sometimes intelligent conversation doesn't mix well with a romantic interest. It's possible the two are best kept separate. Toys should just stay in the toy box.
I’m going to have to rewatch all of them. Drugs, man.
there's still a lot i don't remember, like why my iphone's nailed to your wall
Some guy at the bar last night bought us Arrowhead water and I was so drunk, it tasted good
Randomize
