I forgot to tell you. I'm at a porno shoot today.
You kept telling me to "raw dog" your take home breathalyzer without the mouthpiece
his mom and I have the same butterfly tramp stamp. don't ask how that came up
I got a bikini wax for the first time today and I think I now understand feminism.
I'm the only kid serving jury duty. And I'm the only one who may walk out of here in handcuffs for a warrant. I'm enabling these people to doubt America's youth once again.
Just woke up. Need to shower and fuck. Be there when I'm done disappointing. Should be 30.
Please just tell me how ugly she was so I can bask in the diminishingly small reassurance that might give me
Home. Hour long discussion with mom. Very frightened. Eating a sausage. Don't remember making it. Confused.
He lasted about 30 seconds then said you can't win them all. But then he made me pancakes so it's okay. We shall call him mancakes.
Random memory from the wedding, the bartender showed us how to open the windows and piss out of them.
If you've never been partying there before, take Shae with you. Drunk Shae is like a GPS. She found us the only bottle shop still open at four, a pot dealer, and told us all which subway to take to get home. She'd never been to Madrid before. It was awesome.
I just think his face would be more attractiveif it was framed by my thighs
Well he offered to lick my asshole so...I'm not really worried about his interest level.
skipped tacos for a blowjob. No tacos. No blowjob. More importantly...no tacos. Wtf?
Can't talk, I'm icing "sorry I barfed on your couch" onto a cookie cake
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