My liver just broke up with me...
O no, u 2 are dating again?
No. I just masturbate furiously to his picture
Just walked by a guy on campus YELLING 'Im still hammered'
how do i tell him I'm always in the mood without sounding like a slut?
just did awkward shuffle by the bagels in the dining hall at 7:30 AM with a kid i've hooked up with. goodbye freshman year.
He won't let me have sex with him, but feels bad if I won't let him get me off. It is the weirdest, best, most confusing pseudo relationship I've been in.
you better take a shot tonight for every cat you have ever seen and wanted. this is a lot of cats.
I just brushed my teeth. In the car. With watered down Sprite. From Saturday. Multi-tasking at its finest.
I plan on just grabbing someone's dick if I have to. They will know what's up. Why else do you go to a bar alone on valentines day?
Mostly i might never get belligerent again because im gonna have to keep track of a diamond ring.
She's like the sister I never had that I want to bang.
you're the only girl i know who can be too sick to walk to the kitchen and still have enough game to receive multiple orgasms
What the fuck were you guys talking about?
Lube wrestling.
Oh, makes sense.
For a second I thought he was going to give me an intervention
You can't give interventions in a bar!
Would you like to get a drink then hook up or reverse order I don't really care. Hopefully you can keep this between us.
Randomize
