i just told my mom tuesday boozeday rhymes so that she can remember not to text or call me on wednesday mornings
youre going to kill that woman one of these days
I think the secretary can hear it when I fart in the bathroom, how do you think she feels about that?
got a scholarship and a hot psych teacher. hello spring 2010
i have a "get your shit together" dinner with my parents tonight. After that ill be down to party
I'm about to enter vancouver's biggest liquor store. I feel like I should sent you a "wish you were here" postcard.
Thanksgiving break drinking is a marathon, not a sprint, and i need to be well rested
i seriously have like 9 pictures of people taking shots out of a vag on my camera....
I figured out why I insisted on leaving my sweater on the ground outside. I smelled it and I'm 97% sure I peed on it last night
I am self-sufficient. I puked in a wine glass and emptied it in the trash. Points for style and neatness
If you find my purse on your yacht please call me - girl you slept with after yacht party
Lets just say my thoughts when getting dressed this morning was "vagina friendly" options
Playing Cards Against Humanity with my relatives at Christmas while I'm stoned was a bad idea...
You came in last night, ate an entire avocado in silence, and then told me I should never accept rides from strangers. Not sure I even want to know what happened to you last night!
We're on our way. We couldn't find our clothes this morning, so we're driving your car half naked. You owe me a cigarette.
I absolutely love waking up to see my phone search history is "xj" "qj" "cj" "uj" and "kj"
Randomize
