im going to have to ask you to stop vomiting stars, rainbows, and butterflies all over your facebook statuses...
Just sold all of my pants in order to buy tonight's whiskey. Goodbye, high functioning alcoholism. Hello, Dad.
i saw her thong sticking out from across the bar...that was my cue
well after he sqeezed a zit off his forearm i got the hell outta there
This is going to be another afternoon spent getting drunk in the shower, isn't it?
WHY ARE YOU POKING HOLES IN MY 3AM LOGIC?!
This theraflu would make for a great margarita.
I can make a sudafedarita
I don't even know what beauty is right now. I wouldn't even pity fuck me today.
Im pretty sure by the fifth subway ride after going in circles the four times prior, we all just accepted that we werent making the concert and should instead enjoy our magical weed and tequila laced journey.
So basically, I've just woken up in another random bed and I go to get my pants and he's wearing them. Like my underwear is in them... What the fuck is wrong with my life?
My god. His mom just smacked my ass. Does this mean I'm accepted??
I just had a great idea for an etsy shop. Sell all the shit bitches leave from one nighters
Okay... I just said "preach it" to the pokemon theme song. I'm hammered.
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
right now I am washing the alcohol and shame off from last night
Randomize
