The professor just announced to the class that I talked to him in the bar on my birthday.
So I think I just got a job offer from the guy I used to blow. See, networking pays off.
I just fell down the stairs in the library and further deviated my septum. That's why I don't study.
He makes me wish my vagina was bigger... This must be what love feels like.
She dumped a fish bowl of alcohol on herself. Just like flash dance.
I tried giving you a bj last night and all you could manage was "Haha that tickles" and "in the morning"
Just had sex in the darkroom, while a class was going on ten feet away. I finally have a good sex story.
I'm at a gyno in Japan. Safe to say every possible rule of etiquette is about to be broken. Buckle up, motherfuckers.
Hey sorry about last night. can I come pick up my tooth?
And now you know why we call him Three-Balls Brad
if happy hour never ends, you’ll never have to eat kale
He said he doesn't "believe" in cuddling. Can you come get me?
I'm with the cops, Trish's gay husband stabbed himself and is framing her for attempt of murder and I'm dressed 4 the club I'm wearing leather pants leather jacket leather boots and black club top. Embarrassed
Spencer just told me I got home and was opening beers with my teeth and trying to make pot butter
Me and my boss just exchanged pictures of our bongs and such...I don't know I feel about this
Randomize
