so i woke up thsi morning with a phadora on my head, no shirt and a huge hangover? want to help me figure this out?
I wish life was like dora the explorer where dancing pigs appear out of nowhere to solve your problems for you
I love the moment a guy admits defeat against the front clasping bra.
ask me if i forgot to go to a midterm today
You need to always be prepared. Like a sex firefighter.
Mom just posted ur drunk pix from Cancun in the newly made "My not-so-fantastic son" album. Thought you should know.
About six hours after the bottle of smirnoff, I was googling "losing your stomach lining" and calling my mom for help. She has experience.
we went from five shot glasses to three in one night. we lost 'badass' and gumbi, but the ninja turtle survived. courtney says to avoid any more casualties we're not allowed to use shot glasses past 1am. and we're not allowed to throw them
You forgot your "boyfriend" from last night on my couch. You're suppose to bring that shit with you.
Besides he said his dick was as big as a loaf of bread and that it was broken. So I was like u have half a head of hair and a broken dick that looks like bread. No thanks. Im good.
Naw man, if he's crazy enough to jerk off on a public bus he's too crazy for me to fuck with
Do you think you can chase a shot with chicken soup?
The guy I made out with the other night fed me chipotle favored funions and I thought it was true love when I was drunk.
falling asleep on a hardwood floor changes a person
I told the cop I was late for a booty call. He still gave me a ticket but he wrote his number on it
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