Cab driver just said he likes mutual masturbation in the cab. Um
please quote me on this- the only thing worse than being ugly is being ugly and thinking that you're pretty
His sister just told me that she thinks i'm a stupid bitch and that by going thru with this I'm ruining his life.
sounds like a hell of a rehearsal dinner
In a weird way, I don't want to stalk him on Facebook. I want to find out what's wrong with him the old-fashioned way. Is this what it means to be romantic?
It was a taxi full of fist pumps and chanting to "face down, ass up". It was that 1% that makes my job worth it.
My birthday is in 11 days. Going ham. Consciousness will not be an option
I'm gonna make some noodles and go to bed. Hopefully I don't fall into the stove or something.
i had a mental breakdown over a math asignment proposed to a glass of chocolate milk then burned my hands when i acidentally leaned on the stove i have the grill marks burned on my hands i can see them
its only been 20 minuts since i last saw you
A surplus of mistakes were made and I don't know what 89% of them were.
I'm honored that you could tear yourself away from your girlfriend's vagina long enough to text me.
Are you awake? I feel like I need to confess my sins to someone not on this side of the country.
We're meant to be. Apparently God wants me to get dicked down pretty good too so I'm not complaining about destiny
Ur betting me $100 that I can't do ur sister?
She needs to move out. Her mom interferes with my penis being touched
I need you to know I’m weirdly very sexually attracted to Charlie Puth now
Randomize
