btw ... thanks for not giving me up as the craigslist killer
i owe you one
thanks for snagging those panties for me
just turned my empty handle of passion fruit smirnoff into a fish bowl. I love college.
I don't know how many crown and cokes he went through but I know it was more that I have fingers. We are never leaving Texas.
Its 6:30 and I'm shotguning a busch ice while taking a shit. Outlook for work today: interesting
We got jeff a deep fryer for his bday. So far the count is two potatoes and your iPod.
You demanded I give you a glass of water, so I set it down in front of you and you knock it over and roll in it..,
I wanted to be a dolphin.
I've always wanted to pass out in a bathtub
I think most people do. Your only real mistake was turning the water on first.
She is crazy, dude. She actually bit me on the gootch.
High school girls are buying me shots. This will not end well.
I just found out my college boyfriend's nickname is actually a Dutch word for little cucumber.....it all makes sense now.
I feel a five day drunk coming on.
Also I just learned you, Samantha, and I three-way made out at my Halloween party. News to me.
in the future when you find clothing in your street, just assume it's mine.
Gez, you make a couple noises and all of the sudden your the loud girl.
Just woke up and read the text that drunk me sent you, i take it all back, and you can't have my power puff girl pillow either.
Randomize
