i broke my thumb. i no longer have 2 opposable thumbs. i'm sub-human. i love vicodin.
He has such a weird drunk-voice.
dude, he's deaf.
Good face, no body. And apparently her vagina is related to chewbaca.
Just saw a girl that looks like Michelle Obama and Im strangely aroused by her. Does that make me a democrat?
In my 8 am class there was a pack of birth control on the board with a note saying, "Some dude somewhere is unhappy."
I'll have you know that I'm still picking duct tape residue off my wrist from sunday
I think you have the right to know, the water bottle you drank out of the other night is the bottle we use to catch what drips from the toilet. Love you!
You had the nerve to crowd surf to your own bedroom.. I guess watching Aladdin high was probably the best idea ever
I told him I'd clean his cock if he ever sent my GF another text message. It was a horrific time for me to miss the l key on my iPhone.
You sat on a wall pretending to be a gargoyle before shouting "batman!" and jumping at me
I'm the drunk Des Moines deserves, but not the one it needs
When asked if they had been introduced, Damo said "No but I know we've pretty much fucked all the same girls in town"
Question for you. Do you want to go out somewhere or do you want to have sloppy joes at my house? That's not a euphemism for anything; I actually have stuff to make sloppy joes
For reals. He's my age and he still hangs out at his frat house & gets hammered every weekend. Idk if I'm jealous of him or if I pity him
I didn't realize how much I relied on you for a reason to drink on tuesday
You're a brave, albeit stupid soul for wanting in on the fuckery that comes attached to my vagina
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