I am slurping my drink like I am going to the electric chair
when i woke up this morning i blew my nose and ash came out.. i'm not sure what to make of this.
She was raised with a wonderful home life. I can't do anything with that.
before we even ate breakfast we'd found an eighth of weed in some old purse she never uses. it was gone by lunch
ok so I've decided, new penis Thursday (formally known as new people Thursday) will need to be put on hold next week in preparation for Friday
Memorial weekend is the following week genius. New penis Thursday countdown has already begun.
Walking towards a police car with full spotlights on you while being fully erect..awkward exp. for both parties
May he have a McRib induced stroke and lose the feeling in his tastebuds.
I'm sexting with a 20 year old that has a foot fetish... This is what Sailor Jerry drives me to do.
Thanks for listening. You're the first guy I've ever worked with who I didn't want to fuck.
I love you, and I just washed my hair in my work sink with handsoap.
is it still considered wake n bake if you wake up at 2 pm?
I stopped telling people I'm a pansexual unless they ask first, really tired of explaining what that means.
totally just bought a bottle of gin with nothing but change
don't ever let anyone tell you that youre not 100% class
It's only 3 AM. There's still time to get arrested today.
I hate when I'm sexting and I make a typo.
You just killed the sext mood.
Randomize
