I just heard a woman call her child a butt face. Repeatedly. He's crying now. I love walmart.
bad to tell him im pregnant over fbook chat?
dude totally just got the jungle juice out of my white top. i am really ready to be a trophy wife.
Remember in school when they told us our vag was made just the right size for our future husband? I must say I am enjoying trying to find that perfect fit.
Using your Catholic School education as an excuse for this? Why didn't I think of that?!
Uhh, there's a legit bruise on my boob.. Again how does he manage this
I've got a permanent seat at the "Girls who eat their feelings" table this weekend.
I let a drunk, gay man in a dragon costume motor-boat me. With his dragon head.
I plan on just grabbing someone's dick if I have to. They will know what's up. Why else do you go to a bar alone on valentines day?
Where were you last night, and why am I not surprised that drag queens were involved?
I'm sorry for aggressively singing the Frasier theme song at you so many times last night.
WHO TURNS DOWNA FRESHLY WAXED VAGINA IN A MAIDS COSTUME LITERALLY LAYING IN YOUR BED
he said he was going to fuck me like a rabbit in heat. What he should have said was faster then a train and over before a commercial
I was masterbating to some porn on my phone and my mom decides to text me "are you okay?" I mean i was doing great until you cock blocked me mom..
Nothing says hey I wanna be your friend again like ambushing me with a dick pic
Anyone would get lost in that field after that much vodka. Trust me... I kind of feel like superman considering I even made it home. Most people would've been face down in a random oilfield. Not this guy.
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