Why can't I find a man that likes bush instead of a vagina that looks like it belongs to a prepubescent child!
Because men are children
Touche
he made me salute his american flag boxers before i took them off
The only thing the cop asked me is..... "how are you still alive"?
She sent me a pic of shot glasses on fire if that tells you anything
It's a special occasion. Hence the 151.
I'm sitting in my room naked waiting for him. When he gets here im going to make him do 20 pushups and lick my clit for a hour
my binge eating and her being stoned all the time has reduced us to a bowl of chinese candies, frozen bacon and a stick of butter, we do however have enough alcohol to start our own liquor store.
We had sex on a lawn chair while fireworks were going off last night. It was unavoidable that I got mosquito bites all over my ass
Shawn wouldn't stop singing about his cock on the ride home that night it freaked my girlfriend out how consistent he was
Lost feeling in my face, my shoe and had a nose bleed. That's not wings. Fuck red bull.
Last night apparently I said "I need a break" and then I just passed the fuck out for 3 hours
I was totally pumped and so was my beard
Is it weird that the girl I'm fucking just wished me luck on my date tonight?
My ex gave me head because she said she didn't enough when we were dating... Best ex ever? I think yes.
You were so drunk last night that you fell thru the bathroom door at the bar, ripping it off the hinges in the process. But, your birthday tiara stayed on thru the whole thing. I'd call it a succcessful evening. Happy birthday kiddo!
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