you still trying to smash that chick?
it's a losing battle and she kinda sucks. been busy with school so not getting midweek drunk - she's nearly unbearable sober
all he gave me for my birthday was sperm
at least its a homemade gift
Should I text him? Life is confusing when you actually like someone instead of just wanting to blow them.
Just come over and take your pants off. 35 mins tops. You'll be home before midnight cinderella
we need to drink more beer. the fridge wont close.
I put a toilet paper roll with my number on it by his face... hooking up is not happening
Get dressed, I have 50$ and you need a new beer pong table since we threw yours off the 8th floor last night.
I was in the bathroom puking up mountains of tequila and when he came to help me, I held the door shut and kept yelling at him to let me be a lady.
Actually, you don't want to see me.. reached an all time low drinking kahlua out of the bottle concealed in a macdonalds bag
in case you were wondering, even a BJ under a blanket on the back of a bus only lifts a 14-hour bus ride to borderline tolerable.
Seriously I just dipped a banana in vodka I really need to stop drinking
I'm so high I would give anything in the world to be inside my lava lamp right now
I was just lying down, dumping goldfish into my mouth and they like all came out I thought I was going to choke and die and people would be like damn that's so sad, she died laying in bed stuffing her face and reading kanye wests twitter, damn.
That time we were having sex when you were super drunk, I kept yelling out, "Oh God," and you said, "You're going to need him after this." Idk why I suddenly thought of that.
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
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