How am I supposed to spread my seed with you "modern women" and your birth control?
Get out of your relationship and into my pants.
i'm smoking hookah in a kayak. how did this happen.
there's something so ridiculous to me about watching someone with glasses exercising. it's like watching a whore studying in the library. stop trying to be someone you're not.
i'm not going because i feel like it's just gunna be a "this is your life" who i banged this years addition
This whole living in Ohio thing is getting reaaaaallly old.
she never specifically said NOT to fuck her boyfriend so technically we can still be best friends
I hate that you live in a gated community. I feel your guard judges me every time I go to your house at 3 am an leave at 5am
She kicked in my bedroom door in only high-heals with a bottle of wine, announcing it was "cock-o-clock"
if youre gonna throw up it might as well taste like christmas :S
Yess he was literally so drunk that like at one point I'm pretty sure he thought it was hard and in when neither were true :/ haha
I'll send you pictures of my nipples so you don't feel left out.
The only thing that makes a night with half a bottle of cheap vodka is the other half of that bottle of cheap vodka.
why is there glitter IN my vagina????
It seems I've entered my 21st birthday the same way I entered this world: naked, crying and smothered in someone else's bodily fluids...
Randomize
