she said your name and I thought she was asking me to motorboat her. Best. Miscommunication.Ever.
Despite what happened tonight, Im still expecting Jesus birthday sex
She didn't talk for 45 minutes. We finally convinced her to open her mouth. There was a flower in there.
After the Patriots lost I punched him in the face. But I still feel like that isn't a good reason to dump me.
Take off that red sweater and wear my vagina as a facemask.
She clicked her fingers, said "here boy!", and pointed at her vagina.
Strange request but for my birthday you should get me one of those vibrators that you can plug into your iPod that go along with the music.
No I need this job. I actually contemplated buying a vibrator with my dad's credit card the other night.
I did the walk of shame this morning and his mom hugged me in the driveway
this party is nice, but i have to go home and cry over anime in order to fill my daily quota of suffering
I serenaded the cat in the hat for a few 90s songs but idk who he is
This reminds me of the time you were crying and puking in the toilet at that party while i did shots of tequila in between blow drying your feet. miss you!
Drinks have officially taken priority over self-respect, and I'm not even all that torn up about it.
I met up with trey last night. He whispered in my ear "I love you" then raised his voice and said "but not in a I want to marry you kind of way, but if you died I would cry."
Someone should walk up to them and say, "We're sorry, you're too hot to be out here with the other humans."
Randomize
