He never called back after I emailed him my booty call contract.
woke up in a shopping cart using a keystone box as a blanket. how was your night?
Found a waterbottle filled with a bloody mary in my purse this morning. Blacked-out me is always trying to help hungover me, it's so cute.
you kept saying 'can i put my penis on the grill?' and it was all i could do to stop you. you're welcome, though
every time you want to hook up with a guy who has a girl friend, i'll just give you a freshman
Last night you were talking while puking saying, "ahh the shoes and the purse, I'm gonna have to wash those"
you woke me up in the middle of the night to tell me you were taking off your pants and it was not an invitation.
Just found out the guy that gave me herpes died. now everytime I get a flare up, it'll be like he's coming back to say hello
How sober do you have to be to donate blood?
Please tell me there isn't another video of me on the toilet...
It's Saturday night and I'm sitting on my couch by myself, watching Glee, and drinking gin and tonics. If you listen very closely, you can hear the wails of my mother giving up hope that I will ever give her a son-in-law.
Pro: she asked me to be a bridesmaid. Con: i only have about nine months to get over a phobia of midget strippers.
Dude just bought the table 3 bottles of champaign and broke one on the floor as his "signature" and he makes me want this recession hit harder
I got stabbed with a couple of chip crumbs during sex Saturday. Further proof I need to stop eating snacks in bed
Its a good night when you get to makeout with a cowboy
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