then she made me sanitize my hands before fingering her...i may have found my soulmate
I'll sleep on the bed... The couch is now designated banging area. Any banging performed outside of that area will be subject to fines of cleaning up stains.
Its not personal, its just business. I'm the Donald Trump of blowjobs.
It was my penance. God came down to me in the form of an angel and said, "you must atone for your sins, by puking in your mouth at church right before communion"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It mathmatically balances. Less pants + more shirt = fully clothed. see? Not a whore!
We get an extra hour of sleep. That means we can take an extra shot tonight. Sound logic. Thank you daylight savings.
Are you up yet? I really want to know if i tried sleeping in a field... i have the vaguest memory of trying to
Get your clothes on you are our DD for the night. The usual three way payment
Her mom is a nurse who got called in to declare someone dead. Just got wing manned by a corpse.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The last thing I remember is goading each other into a vodka-chugging competition.
You never know true fear until you're on your period in a house full of white furniture.
First things first, I always get more drunk than the birthday girl. Like, who's idea was it to sing karaoke? I killed it.
11:30pm - Shots together. 12:15pm Shots together. 12:45pm Shots together. 9:30am Plan B's together.
Got so high i fell asleep kyaking...for 2 hours.
I think my stomach is breaking up with me. It's giving me back everything I ever gave it.
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