As a matter of fact my bong is named Hulkamania brother
The worse part is i sent a text at like three that said i was getting head... Now i have no idea who's mouth has been on my dick
You've slept with me you know how lazy I am in bed.
God damn him and his understanding ways and little hip muscle things.
EVERYONE IS SPEAKING SPANISH. I ONLY KNOW HOLA.
It was his birthday this weekend. I had to carry him 6 blocks, in 3 inch heels. The entire time he was trying to molest me, eat my face, and try to stop every two feet to tie his shoe. He would light a cigarette, forget about it, almost burn everyone, throw it out, then decide he wanted to smoke. He kept repeating that he trusts me with his life.
...Wow...
I could be a kindergarten teacher
Well anyways I still cant believe I don't remember such a monumental day in history as you showing me your boobs... Jesus
Then she looked me straight in the eyes and asked me if I missed my foreskin. Weirdest conversation ever.
you're no funn. i shall go consult my friend vodka on this matter.
You knocked on your freshman year room door, told the kids who opened it "I own you", and attempted to force-feed them everclear.
Walked in on my roommate covering his dick in blue frosting. Am staying with my folks for the Forth. See you Monday if the brain bleach works.
i have too much dick at my disposal? i should make them fight. best dick pic gets laid
We kept having to tell you that you couldn't just sit wherever you wanted at Walmart. Sitting in the middle of the raw meat section was unacceptable and children were staring at you.
Why the fuck is there raw bacon in my bra. I don't even have a stove.
I just put together something from IKEA so that’s mandatory oral for a week.
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