i just got a Mexican deported. not sure how to feel.
we've reached the level in our friendship where i don't think he would rape me
i came out of my blackout when my grandma called last night. it kinda sobered me up and i realized who i had been making out with. should i call and thank her for the defensive cockblock?
I ended up giving him head, i think it was mostly a defensive move so that he wouldn't discover i was wearing those onesy spanx
according to the random from alabama i slept with last night i kept saying "poor lil tink tink" over and over in my sleep
I just got turned down by a drunk fat chick. At my own birthday party. God hates me.
You know it's bad when I can already feel tomorrow's hangover before even drinking today.
He said I was cute and he handed me a stuffed bear from his car. I don't care that he was 80, I named it Hector.
Now you know my pain. Live with it. Own it. Recognize it. Cause its like shitting napalm.
Don't remember our skype call last night too well, but did I pee while skyping you?
Idk I wanna make it till midnight but I also want tequila
he BROKE his KNEE while we were getting it on, called 911 and the ambulance that showed up contained two paramedics, ONE WAS HIS FUCKING SISTER!!! HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?!?!
Poor life choices...?
Are you opposed to me trying out your penis?
So it's my mom's birthday and I wanted to be super cheap and just walk up to her and say "I got you the greatest gift ever, mom! I'm actually sober right now!".
he asked me for a magic BJ...is that supposed to be different from a normal BJ?
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