Funny, my mom didn't get it when I said 'that's what she said' after she said 'it's so thick, it's impossible' in reference to my milkshake
She said you were bangin on the counters of McDonalds singing "These Eyes" at 4am
asked the girl next to us on line to take a picture of us and she shared her bacardi. i love white people.
Ok, I have three hours. I'm trying to work out two blow jobs and a taco.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The 12 year old son winked and made eyes at me while his father fed me vodka gummy bears. Gameday yo
I asked him for something to clean up with after sex and he handed me a sham wow. A SHAM WOW
The man was doing everything in his power to get away from his wife, including go into the gay club.
Sorry for cyberstalking your dad.
I think my brain has decided it's boycotting life until it can do whatever it wants.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
lost my vibrator and now I have to masturbate manually. The struggle is fucking real.
Remember when we made out in a Chik-Fil-A drive thru?
In theory, it seemed like it would work.
OK... But I need to shower first because I'm covered in stuff I definitely shouldn't have slept in
i could only love him more if he was covered in glitter.
We need to stop smoking. I just ran into a glass door.
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