Every time I hang out with your gay friend, I have to make a checklist of words to look up when I get home. First Google of the night? "Power bottom."
At any point in time, have you stopped and thought "I wonder how high Willie Nelson is right now?
Just saw a girl in a wheelchair puke then rally. Diversity matters.
i don't remember but I assumed it was bad when I woke up with directions from his house to mine already pulled up on my phone
Just got off the phone with poison control. They're more concerned about our alcohol intake than that the beer bong was last cleaned with pine sol.
So how many licks to the face does it take to get kicked out of the bar?
You know what I'm hearing? Blah, blah, blah, I have pneumonia, blah, blah, blah, I'm a quitter. COME OVER AND PUT YOUR PENIS INSIDE ME.
Thanks for walking over, a conversation about David Bowie's dick as a muppet is exactly what my day was missing.
Why did I puke in my shower caddy last night
I want to show up to tomorrow's study group looking like I got hit by a train. A train made of dicks.
Also fuck yeah conspiracy
There's a Russian superstition that you'll spend your year the way you celebrate New Year's, so I'm honestly not that surprised you're drunk.
Does it look too obvious if I buy wine and candles!?! In my defense there is a gigantic snow storm coming.
You kept saying, "please sir, can I have some more."
With each thrust he'd whisper "like a ninja." Should I be flattered or appalled?
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