Do you have swine flu?
I know my taste in men is not always top notch; however, I don't sleep with swine.
Pigs, yes. Swine, no.
This is how I know I have no life... Jon and Kate are my emotional roller coaster.
I don't think he has that. His apartment was pretty much a tv and a bed. Topless girl calendar and a glass of water to put out cigarettes.
Don't interrupt me, I have a limited time to be high and thus be remarkably good at Pac Man
I just criticized a porno's use of editing. Film school is ruining me.
he said i looked like a lion with slutty lingerie on .
He whinnies like a horse when he's cumming. I wish I would have known this before we got into a relationship.
As added birth control I warned him that if he knocked me up tonight I would name the baby Truck.
the old man that you threw the shoe at says "hi" and many rude words...
Can you technically cross something off your bucket list if you don't, per say, remember it....?
I definitely think you should enjoy one last spring break being a sorostitute before you get serious and settle down with price charming. I mean hes not going to be there any way. he can wait a week.
Hung out near hay bales in sweaters then she gave me a pumpkin spice pop rocks bj. That was so freakin' seasonal.
Please don't bang more than two exes at a time, just so I won't get confused.
Found her grinding on my boss with her tongue down her throat last night. Guess who just got promoted!
Listen. The next time my first idea in the morning is "hometown buffet and a water bottle full of captain morgan", please make me go back to sleep.
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