I wish that guy wasn't missing teeth
so I think I'm done having sex with her, she's way too crazy
what about the blowjobs for adderall?
no those are still okay
a cemetary is a place for people to rest in peace and you just spermed all over their land
she literally hasn't taken the mardi gras beads off in three days. she showered in them. TWICE.
She stumbled in with some guy, woke me up, introduced him and said "This is my sister. She's a freshman. She probably hates you."
How would one go about tricking someone into chugging an entire bottle of tequila?
She broke up with him yesterday after she cheated on him. He's going a bachelor party next weekend. How has Homeland Security not raised the threat level?
How am I so hungover that wearing sunglasses hurts my head?
He gave me the "find somebody who wants to date you for who you are" speech while I walked around the house asking people for pants.
I spent two entire hours explaining to a guy why I wouldn't make out with him. How was your night?
That's crazy. Wow that lady must be fucked up
Yeah I hope she's okay.
I'm still going to fuck her husband but I do hope she's okay.
He's literally cuddling with the washer and dryer.
I'm bringing pajamas, aspirin, morning after clothes and morning after pill
The longer the dick, the closer to Jesus when you’re on top.
I'm wearing men's underwear
I don't know what to do with that information...
Randomize
