I totally thought the tree was playing the guitar
don't go back without me... they'll know i'm pooping.
apparently "my dealer got arrested" is not an acceptable answer when mom asks "What happened? You look sad today"
Just so you know, I'm standing in my bra eating cereal. My keys were in the cereal box.
I'm sick of being broke. I had vicodin and frosting for lunch.
He tried to cuddle with me after we hooked up and i just looked at him and said why are you still here?
I mean we had sex in a crib. You tell me how my night was.
Please do not make a facebook page for my hickeys.
My vagina is not really on board with my "emotional issues"
Our date was amazing and I would like to reward you with a blow job under your desk.
I can pencil you in at 3:30
I've now spilled wine and got poptarts all over my cast. So much for my doc taking me seriously...
It was just a Craigslist hook up but she wore sweats. Where are the girls with class?
Who knew that showing someone your boobs would make them stop crying.
I'll start working on my manners when you stop using please and thank you in the bedroom.
After 3 parties, all of them busted, and 4 field sobriety tests, I AM the cop whisperer
Randomize
