I'm proud of us, I'm cleaning up the place and I haven't found a single beer can that isn't empty.
Last night at the bar my fuck buddies found out about each other.
Wtf? What happened?
Not quite sure but they rock, paper, scissored to see who was taking me home.
just to let you know, its not cheating if i cant feel my hands.
Dude this stripper just dry humped the settings off my phone. She earned that dollar
Climbing through a window thats four feet off the ground isnt the easiest thing when youre high, trust me.
I am ina trunk. Iam in a trunnnnnjkk. I hope its yours. Oh manomanomano. Thids better be your trunk
its like the body should be a temple but we treat it like a kmart
You told the cop at mobil to keep it real and look both ways before crossing the street.
We're both on the slippery slope toward middle age...and really shame riddled bar experiences
That point of drunk where you're in a bar bathroom and you're like "F*ck you bra! I'm not taking your sh*t anymore! and you take it off and throw it in a trashcan.
mate, my mother watched me threw up out of my nose wearing only a g-string.
we passed out in our seats at the game for about 3innings. I guess they showed it on the big screen. nap n rally!
Oh. I'm probably going to just get a viagra and ruin your life.
I'm pretty sure our sex is better than most foods and that says a lot too bc I really like food
I'm at this party and a blind kid just walked in and asked "where is the fucking pong table"
Randomize
