the only thing i knew about you is that u dated jordan and were potentially interested in a threesome
I puked off the balcony.
Into the hottub. There were six people in it. I had eaten all their pizza.
I've drank myself into a smaller pants size. Who ever said alcoholism was unhealthy was mistaken.
I'm not trying to go crazy tonight either. I just want to go out, have a few drinks, meet up with my ex-boyfriend and get fingered or something.
why is there an outline of nathan's body on my wall in whip cream?
I just dropped my cookie in my glass of milk and looked at it for ten minutes. Thanks for telling me you made weed cookies.
She has puke in her hair, is missing a shoe and is now crying. People trust her to be their child's teacher
Party at my house. Beach themed. Clothing optional.
Wouldn't that make it "Nude Beach Themed?"
To do list: put blue gatorade in a windex spray bottle. spray it into my mouth in public so people think i'm drinking windex.
I think I sprained my soul last night
six ambien and a bong later...he was calling me blueberry princess who need rescuing from the evil oven, and he was sir Eatsalot.
I can't even properly respond cuz I'm ballsdeep in falafel
You just referred to a pillow with a stolen bra strapped to it as "she". Let that sink in for a minute.
Two chicks walked outta his room and all he did was beat his chest like LeBron and yell, "And 1!"
There's always a silver lining when massive voluptuous tits are involved