So.. my mom just told me she hasn't gotten laid in 7 years... I'm really disturbed.. at the same time... At least now I know why shes so damn cranky all the damn time
Please don't tell me you're asking me to have sex with your mother.
Every morning i wake up and check his twitter like a horoscope
Sometimes you gotta take mushrooms and swim on a rooftop pool to figure out your relationship
whiskey
stop
tequila
you're fuckin up my ability to be a agrown up
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Brownies hit. And just found beer. And the bill cosby show is on. And its in spanish.
So, this year for my birthday, want to get rip-roaring schmammered and watch my episode of my super sweet 16? We can do lines off my tiara.
That money I left you should go to the stripper that fell asleep in your bed. Sorry
our relationship was basically a one night stand, with a three week long, morning after
Gonna be hard to top last New Year's Eve when the guy I blew came at midnight
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Mike Pence got the fuck boy eyes though
And by not handle it I mean it makes me want to sit on his face
are you watching the world series?
I've made out with alex bregman... so yes
she's always on high-alert for lesbians
look, bitch. one day when everyone i care about deserts me for my severe moral depravity, you're going to be the only one i have.
i can't wait.
To the woman who just heard me unscrew my flask in the Denny's women's bathroom at 10am: discretion isn't required but greatly appreciated.
Did you at least share?
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