isnt it creepy that our bodies make people
Buying $100 worth of beef jerkey sounded like a terrific idea last night.
all they had in the fridge was rum and filled water balloons
She used the word "fragged" in proper context. tell me that's not bust-nut hot.
she literally hasn't taken the mardi gras beads off in three days. she showered in them. TWICE.
He came up behind me making dolphin noises in my ear when I noticed a collection of hors d'ouevres from the reception earlier in his jacket pocket
I will never doubt you again...he IS perfect for you
i asked the cop if we could stop and do a chinese firedrill.... he said no.
I just threw in a dip with a guy that superglued his fake tooth back in today. My life is complete.
I'm a bit broke right now... Would it be OK if I pay you in champagne and Xanax?
Was it cause you feel bad for the ridiculousness my vagina goes through because same
Details are irrelevant. Come bail me out of jail.
Do you lock your house? Serious question, I need to know if I can add it to my list of emergency poop stops
I may have just got motorboated by a male stripper who told me I should be a porn star and not a vet student.
Ever look at an ex and wonder...was I drunk that entire relationship??
Yes, yes I do.
You left me a note that said "The Earth is blowing up. Bring the Rosé." WTF.
Randomize
