I Once took so much Ecstacy that I tried to hug a fire.
It's not true, it's not true! She's too full of cheese to have sexy time!
I'm cleaning the house. And I can't stop listening to Enrique Iglesias. Am I gay?
I even have the new album if that helps you make a decision.
DO NOT FUCK HIM ON MY BEAN BAG CHAIR
We were naked in his bed when he asked me "what should we do?"
Ran into my prostitute at Costco yesterday. She was with her boyfriend, I was with my kids. Awwwwkward.
I am now the only person in my apartment who hasn't had sex in my bed.
No He hasn't done that since the time he came in his own eye
sorry can't make it tonight, greg's getting back from italy. he's had two weeks of carbs and no gym; now's my chance to get myself a piece of that newly-fat, low self-esteemed ass.
Just doin' what I do best: sitting in a stall in the class building's bathroom, pondering life and exploring deep, dark corners of the internet before class.
BoomCity!!!
You don't have to text me that every time you have sex. I already heard you ring the gong.
we had a full conversation and he only brought up drugs twice. overall I'd call it a success
Alas my dad DD'd me. Legit cock blocked to the highest degree
MY BUTT IS BIG ENOUGH FOR AN ANACONDA AND HE DOESNT GET TO ENJOY IT TOUGH SHIT
In a meeting I sneezed and my tooth hit the floor. I don't think anyone noticed. I would still like to die now.
Randomize
